


Why am I being swept away? (I'm scared)

by charons_boat



Series: spooky scary skeletons (or are they eldritch horrors?) [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Broken Promises, Deserts, Eldritch Horrors, Eldritch Monsters, Eldritch beings, Human!Chan - Freeform, M/M, Monsters, Nightmares, Recording, Roommates, Shenanigans, Sleeptalking, Stray Kids Ensemble - Freeform, fear reactions, inhuman beings, manipulated emotions, monster!changbin, monster!felix, monster!jeongin, side hyunsung, stolen thoughts, unnatural beings, worried friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charons_boat/pseuds/charons_boat
Summary: Chan couldn't remember anything when he woke up, but he knew that the feeling of terror that had followed him since meant something strange: Chan rarely felt fear, so to feel so much... he knew something very odd had been happening.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Lee Felix, Bang Chan & Seo Changbin, Bang Chan & Yang Jeongin | I.N & Seo Changbin & Lee Felix, Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Minho | Lee Know & Jean Marceaux
Series: spooky scary skeletons (or are they eldritch horrors?) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023729
Kudos: 10
Collections: monsterdayz





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Distract 9](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334490) by [chronosaurus (kimnamjin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimnamjin/pseuds/chronosaurus). 



> enjoy my monster boys uwu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry about the random guy named Jean too much he's not important

Oftentimes, my transition from unconsciousness to consciousness was a slow, gradual crawl that ushered me gently in wakefulness; but now, I woke all at once with a hammering heart, my clothing and skin and hair damp with sweat. I could not recall what day it was, nor what I'd been dreaming of, but I was left with an impression of great horror and mystery. The door swung open, and it took me a moment to recognize Hyunjin as the tall noiret who'd walked through the door: his hair had been a light brown, last I remembered.

Hyunjin stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me; then, out of nowhere, he smiled widely and bowled me over with the force of his rushed hug. A grimace appeared on his lips while he held me at arms' length, and in the blink of an eye he was laughing. Jisung walked into the room, focused on his phone, and glanced up halfway through asking Hyunjin what he was looking at. Tears sprang into the blond's eyes and his phone clattered to the ground as he prioritized pushing Hyunjin and I back into the bed in a kind of dog-pile that had resulted from the desperate attempt to hug me around Hyunjin.

"Dude, you fuckin' scared us," Minho said from the doorway. His delicate features were lit up with a smile despite his crossed arms. As he walked over his arms dropped to his sides, and when he sat down on the bed (which I finally realized wasn't mine) he put a hand on my bony shin and left it there.

"What's going on? Where are Jean and Seungmin," I asked. My friends all froze and just stared at me for a few seconds.

"Are you joking? Tell me that you're just trying to prank us, Chan." That was Jean. Seungmin showed up behind him, and all five of them kept watching and waiting for an answer. I shook my head.

"I'm serious I don't even know what day it is! I can't remember anything!" Jean sighed and walked into the room.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing we recorded you like you asked," he said. Before I could ask what he meant, he spoke again. "You need a shower and some good food. Minho, Hyunjin, help him clean up. I'll start dinner." I blushed bright red.

"I-I can clean up on my own," I exclaimed. Seungmin shook his head while Jisung climbed off the bed so the other two could help me up. My legs shook, and I realized that maybe more had happened than I thought.

"You've been out of it for nearly three weeks. You didn't have a fever, but everything else pointed to you being sick. The meds we got from the hospital didn't work, though," Seungmin told me.

"What do you mean by everything else?"

"What he _means_ ," Hyunjin explained, "is that you were throwing up a lot. You were shaking almost constantly, and we've had to change the sheets at least 3 times a week. And the way you were talking… you begged us to record you, whether you were awake or not. We only listened to one of the recordings from when you were asleep. It was worse than when you were awake. We thought you were going mad."

"If… if I wasn't sick, then-"

"The things you were dreaming were making you sick. The sweating, the shaking, the vomiting? We're pretty sure those were all fearful reactions to something _terrible_." Hyunjin and Minho lowered me onto the toilet seat, and Hyunjin moved to start getting a bath ready. Minho smiled when I turned my attention to him.

"You know, we've already done this plenty of times," he began. "Your sudden amnesia has lost this knowledge for you, obviously, but I gotta say, Chan… I didn't expect-"

He was silenced with the resounding clap of _my_ hand over _his_ mouth. He licked my hand and promptly gagged.

"Holy shit, that was nasty! I forgot you were sweaty as fuck, oh my god, I- I think I need to go bleach my tongue." Before Minho could open the cabinet beneath the sink, Hyunjin had ahold of his wrist and was pulling him away from the storage area of the coveted _bleach_.

"Bath's ready," Hyunjin announced as he stood. He turned to me with an apologetic look on his face. "We've been doing baths on the cooler side because you've been so sweaty."

"And they're better for his health," Minho added. He paused and then turned towards me, clasped his hands, and clarified, "For your health." I nodded and bit my lip, hesitating to say what I wanted to.

"Uhm, I don't remember how we've been doing this, so just… do what you've been doing, I guess?" They nodded, and Minho moved back so Hyunjin could get closer. He grabbed the hem of my shirt and looked me in the eyes, making sure I was paying attention before speaking.

"I'll take off your shirt and shorts now. You can keep your boxers on if you want--you didn't really care before, but you were also delirious from those dreams, so…"

"It's- it'll be okay; though, I think I'd, uhm, prefer if I…?" Hyunjin smiled and nodded kindly.

"Of course," He agreed. I let out the breath I'd been holding unconsciously and gave him a weak smile in return. I lifted my arms so he could pull the shirt over my head and braced myself with hands on his shoulders while I stood so he could take my shorts off. He threw the damp clothes into a pile by the wall and stood up slowly. "Do you need me to hold onto you?" I shook my head and he waited for me to let go of his shoulders before backing away.

The water was just barely warm and felt a lot better than I expected. Someone had suctioned a child's bath mat inside the tub, and that was probably the only reason I didn't fall as I took my boxers off one leg at a time. Hyunjin took them and added them to the pile of dirty clothes as I slowly sat down in the tub. Minho gathered up the clothes and left the room, and after a moment of silence, the washing machine started. I was still blushing bright red when Minho came back and sat on the closed toilet.

"I put the sheets in the wash too," Minho said, seeming to speak more to Hyunjin until he looked at me with sad eyes. "If you're really uncomfortable, we can leave, Chan." I shook my head frantically as strange emotions washed over me. I rarely felt fear.

"Don't go! I… I'm still scared. I _can't remember_ what of, but since I woke up there's just been this- this lingering _terror_ ," I told them. They both looked incredibly sad and scared.

"Chan, we were scared for you. We were _terrified_. You just called Jean out of nowhere, and you didn't- you didn't _sound_ right," Minho said. "We didn't record that, and Jean and I agreed not to repeat what you said. We were the only ones who heard it." I remembered then that Jean and Minho were roommates, and all of a sudden I recognized the bathroom. I was in Jean and Minho's apartment, and so were our other three friends. Minho swallowed thickly. "It was really bad though. We drove over to your place and brought you back here as fast as we could. You passed out once you were in bed, and Jean called everyone else while I watched you."

"We didn't…" Hyunjin began before stopping and shaking his head. "No, we _couldn't_ understand what Jean was talking about. He told us that you must've been drugged with the way you were talking. We had no idea what he was talking about. He said you'd told him something about… he called them monsters from your first description, but you called them _gods_."

Minho picked up where Hyunjin left off. "It only got worse when we took you to the hospital the next day. _They_ told us there was nothing medically wrong with you--no drugs, no sickness, nothing--but _you_ told us there was a god eating the thoughts in your head." Another wave of something passed over me, but it was gone before I could identify what it was. The sudden thought that it had been _taken by something else_ filled me with so much dread that I wanted to run away from the small room.

"C-can we, uhm- I can't, I don't want to- not anymore, I just-"

"Yea, sorry! God, we're stupid. Minho, clean his back? I'll work on his hair," Hyunjin said. I sat still and tried not to think about anything as I let my friends wash all the sweat off of me.

"Oh, Chan," Minho said as Hyunjin began to massage cool conditioner into my hair. I hummed in response. "Your hair grew back out, so we cut all the blond off." I nearly got bath water in my eyes as I tried to look at him.

"So it's black again," I asked. He tilted his head and then shook it.

"No, it's more of a really dark brown. We tried to go on walks because someone said that sunlight helps fight sickness, so it's gotten a little lighter. Honestly, it's been so long since I saw you without blond hair that I forgot it was supposed to be black. Why is it-"

"Doesn't matter, Minho," Hyunjin said abruptly. Minho nodded and Hyunjin began to run his fingers through my softened hair to get rid of tangles. "Honestly, Chan, I think it looks nice. Your hair is a lot healthier now, too, so I'd even consider blow-drying it for you." I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them before putting my chin on my knees.

"That'd be nice," I murmured. Maybe it would take my mind off the feelings I couldn't figure out and the thoughts I couldn't fully think before something cut them off and pulled all memory of them from my mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Jean first handed me a plate of food--he'd tried to make some of the food my mother used to, and he'd done well so I assumed he'd called her--and then scrolled through what I recognized as my phone before clicking something and sitting next to me.

"Chan, before I start this, I'm going to warn you that it might scare you. You wouldn't calm down until we agreed to record you. If it's too much, just stop the recording or tell me and I'll shut it off, okay," he asked. I swallowed thickly and nodded before taking another bite of the food he'd made me. When the recording started, I almost didn't recognize my own voice.

" _-have to! This is important, and if you don't record me then I'll forget!_ "

" _Why? We're recording, Chan, see?_ " That was Jean. " _Why do we have to record it?_ "

" _I told you! I'll forget! There's a god in my head, and he's taking my thoughts before I can think them! I can barely remember what I'm going to say until I say it! I- you have to record me, whether I'm awake or not!_ "

" _We will, Chan, we will! Just calm down, okay?_ "

" _Jean , I **am** calm! I'm like a cucumber, stop telling me I need to calm down! I just- I need to tell you, before I forget- I can't remember-_"

" _It's okay, Chan! We have all the time in the world. You need to focus on getting better! You can tell us later._ "

The recording ended after a quiet agreement from me. I stayed silent while Jean began to talk again.

"That one was from the hospital. This is from the first night you spent here." He clicked the button displayed on my phone screen and it began to play. It was clearly recorded from close to where I'd been sleeping and not by a person, so I assumed it was on a side table or something. I could hear the noise of cloth against cloth, and the bed creaked as I moved around.

" _…name is Chan. What's… that doesn't sound like a name a god would have... course you are... too beautiful not to be…_ " There was a long silence and a groan. A phantom pain splashed across my wrist, and when I turned my arm over I saw a faint burn mark. A breathy laugh sounded over the recording, and I shivered. " _Course I am, you're terrifying… 'cause no one's perfect... never been more scared in my entire life, but… don't want anything. I don't know where I am or why I'm here... know how I got here?… don't think I'd like living here. There's so much sand... 'kay then. Bye, Jeongin…_ " Various bits and pieces of the conversation came back to me, but they were quickly taken away. The one lasting image that cropped up was of who I assumed to be Jeongin. It was of his eyes: they were some vibrant color I couldn't identify, partially hidden under his long blondish hair. His skin seemed to crawl as I stared, and wisps of dark smoke seeped out of his skin and fell over his sharp cheekbones. Something like black and red ink leaked from the corners of his eyes and swirled around as it mixed with the tears that fell alongside the ink; somehow, I knew without needing to see it that his skin was stained from the ink that fell almost ceaselessly.

"Do I… have I talked to--or, about--this one again," I asked quietly. Jean motioned for me to keep eating before nodding.

"From what we heard in these recordings, there are three of them. If you don't want to listen to the rest, I understand. I'll do my best to summarize them for you," he offered. I bit my lip and nodded. "Keep eating, though." I took another bite of the food, grimacing at the way it was slowly growing colder.

"You talked to this one the most while you were asleep. You called him Jeongin a lot, and you told him almost constantly that he was beautiful despite being terrifying. We don't know much about any of them physically, because you rarely talked about that. It seemed like he was the most confused whenever you talked, like he couldn't understand why you talked to him so easily despite being scared. The one you talked about the most while you were awake… I don't think you ever said his name."

"He didn't," Minho said. Jean nodded and continued.

"You said a few times that he lived in your head, but you mentioned maybe twice that you could see him. You said both times that his mouth was too big. Seungmin suggested that maybe the one taking your thoughts didn't have his own body."

"He eats my thoughts," I said quietly. "He _feeds_ on them. Yours too. Everyone's. Just… no one _knows_. Except me. He doesn't like that I know." Jean didn't say anything, and I didn't look at him as I shoveled another bite into my mouth.

"The last one is Felix, we think. You asked him, a few times, why his… skin was moving. You told us that he's not good at controlling his size when we asked. You couldn't tell us what he looked like because you said his face changed. You did say he was cute, though," Jean told me. I blushed and ignored the sudden memory of orange hair, freckled skin, and swelling muscles that were unable to stay one size. I stayed silent for a while, trying to focus on finishing the food. When the plate was empty, Jean took it over to the sink and rinsed it off before adding it to the stack of dirty dishes. We walked into the living room, where everyone else was, and I crossed my arms as I thought.

"Did I say where they were," I asked quietly.

"Chan, you can't seriously be-"

Seungmin cut Jisung off with a heavy sigh. He leaned forward and looked at me. I nearly couldn't keep my eyes on him because of the intensity his gaze had.

"You told me," he admitted. "Everyone else was gone, and I was the only one left to watch you. You told me where they were after, again, insisting that I record you. You told me that this was one of the most important things you'd learned, and that you wouldn't remember by the time you went to sleep." He pulled out his phone and fixed me with a stern gaze once he'd found the file on his phone. "If I play this, you _can't_ go try to find them, Chan. I know that they don't sound all that bad from what Jean said, but that's only because we _haven't seen them_. We don't know what they're actually like. We can't prepare you for this at all. You were terrified every night, no matter how many times you told them they were beautiful or cute. We've been scared for you for weeks, and that was when you were just dreaming them, Chan. Promise me that you won't go try to find them." I nodded and fidgeted a bit before looking up at Seungmin.

"I promise that I won't try to find them," I said quietly. I showed him my hands as proof that I wasn't crossing my fingers, and it was only after that that Seungmin pressed play.

" _They're in the desert, Seungmin, all of them! Well- Ch- god, I can't remember! The one in my head doesn't live anywhere, but he- Jeongin said he likes being around him and Felix._ "

" _Why are they in the desert? That doesn't really sound like a scary place,_ " Seungmin said. He sounded skeptical even through the grainy speaker of Seungmin's phone.

" _Felix can't hurt anyone out there, and Jeongin likes being a fox. They don't like attention._ " The recording ended, and Seungmin shut off his phone and shoved it into his pocket.

"You kept saying that they don't like attention and that they're different from most of the other monsters. You wouldn't tell me how you knew that, but you wouldn't stop saying it, even in your sleep that night."

"That's how you knew that the one in his head doesn't have a body," Hyunjin said. Seungmin nodded and leaned back in the chair. I stayed silent and just thought. I only knew of one desert anywhere close to us, and it wasn't all that far away. Jean suddenly pulled my phone out of his pocket and handed it over to me.

"We kept this while you were still sick, but you seem to be okay now despite the amnesia. There've been a few people from Twitter asking where you disappeared to, but all we told them was that you were sick. We didn't go through any of your apps," he told me. I nodded and thanked him, taking a moment to scroll through my Twitter and let my few close friends know that I was better now.

"I trust you," I murmured. Everyone slowly left the living room to go do their own things, aside from Minho and Hyunjin who sat on some of the armchairs in the living room. I didn't recognize some of them, and I wondered if Jean and Minho had bought new ones to fit everyone while they were taking care of me. I texted back my friends from Twitter as we had easy conversations about what amounted to be nothing, and I couldn't ignore the memory of Jeongin's eyes no matter how hard I tried. I sighed and clicked into one of the games on my phone.

"Are you okay, Chan," Hyunjin asked softly. I nodded and bit my lip, glancing at him for a moment before turning my attention back to the game.

"Yeah, I just… I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. It feels weird to just go back to life like it was before, especially after hearing those recordings," I admitted.

"I understand. It's gonna be weird to just go back to our apartment and… work again. We'll forget this ever happened and laugh about it someday," Hyunjin said. I nodded and got tired of the game. I exited the app and turned my phone off, looking towards the ceiling. I felt oddly restless, and I didn't even flinch when I turned my head to the side and saw someone I didn't know sitting on the couch beside me. I recognized him, and his name ran through my mind for a second; it was gone before I could catch anything more than the 'Ch-' at the beginning.

The man had straight black hair and pitch black eyes. His mouth didn't look any different than a normal person's would, this time, but I knew it had, at different times, looked too large for his face. He was handsome, but the sight of him filled me with a subconscious dread as I wondered whether he'd let me think.

 _Why isn't your mouth weird this time?_ It was the first thought that came to my mind, and he responded out-loud. Neither Hyunjin nor Minho heard him.

"You didn't think about the way I take your thoughts," he answered. It was the first time I'd ever spoken to him, and his voice was an unnerving, composite mess of thousands of voices all layered over each other. I thought I heard my own there somewhere.

 _What am I supposed to do? It feels wrong to just go back to the way it was._ He smiled, and I found that he didn't have teeth; that only lasted for a brief moment before he grunted and they grew in.

"Thanks for the teeth," he muttered. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or genuine. "I'll guide you to Jeongin and Felix. Tonight is your last chance: they'll be sealed away for a long time afterwards." He was gone before I could say or think anything more, and I stared off into the distance as I tried to remember what I'd just been doing.

"Chan," Minho asked. I turned and looked at him, confused. "You okay? You were muttering something." I nodded.

"I'm okay. My head felt fuzzy all of a sudden, and I was trying to get it to go away," I told them. They nodded, only accepting the answer because they'd been around when it happened before. Usually, it was only after I stood too quickly that I argued with myself over why my head felt weird. "Can we put in a movie or something? Wasn't there supposed to be a new one coming out on DVD that we were interested in?"

"Yeah, but Jean didn't buy it cause Jean is lame," Jisung said as he came around the corner. "However, you did miss Netflix adding all three seasons of Avatar." I smiled immediately and nodded.

"Let's watch some ATLA," I said enthusiastically. I wiggled farther back into the couch cushions as Jisung set up the TV. "I can't wait to watch the tea shop arc again." Jisung agreed excitedly.

"Zuko's redemption arc is just-"

"It's god-tier," I said. Jisung nodded.

"I am so glad we're friends, Hyunjin never understands why I loved this show as a kid." I gasped and turned to Hyunjin, who looked confused.

"You're lucky he loves you," I told Hyunjin, "because that's the only thing stopping me from going over there and knocking some sense into you. You're going to hate Zuko for a long, long time, but with long hair comes character development and I can't wait to witness it again." Jisung laughed while Minho looked very concerned.

"Honestly, I'm tempted to smack him myself," Jisung said. Hyunjin made an offended sound and Jisung just sighed as he started the first episode and walked back towards Hyunjin. "Jinnie, pay attention. This series is going to change your life."

Time seemed to pass faster than usual as we binge-watched the cartoon series. We stayed up late into the night, and one-by-one the others fell asleep. At nearly 1 AM, I was the last one awake. I glanced around the room as another episode loaded, and I found that I was the only one left awake. I stood up and walked over to the door, slipping on the sandals I'd had for years. I opened the door and grabbed the keys to Jean's car only because I realized that mine weren't in the key dish. I only realized I'd left my phone when I was half a mile away.

A flash of someone else's headlights revealed the man from my head sitting in the passenger seat.

"My name is Changbin," he told me. I recognized it as the word I'd never been able to catch, and I nodded.

"Thank you. I was going crazy not knowing all of it," I said quietly. The radio was turned off, and Jean's car was in good enough condition that the car was silent unless one of us talked.

"You were going crazy regardless," Changbin told me.

"Why am I doing this?"

"Jeongin likes you, and so does Felix. Your thoughts are a lot faster than I thought they were. You're the only person who's ever recorded anything or been able to catch part of my name. You're special," Changbin said. "Turn left."

"I can't… I can't remember very much about them," I admitted. Changbin nodded and I turned right at his direction.

"That's my fault. I did it to protect us, because I knew your friends were around. I didn't know if they'd try to come for us, so I waited as long as I could. If you come to us and don't leave by the time the sun rises, you won't be able to leave us."

"I'm gonna miss my friends," I whispered. Changbin nodded and sighed.

"Jeongin did too, for a while. He can't even remember them now: it's been too long."

"They'll have each other though. They'll forget me. They'll be okay." It was less explaining anything to Changbin and more trying to convince myself that they'd be okay without me.

"I can help them, if you want. It's easier for me to get out and do things while the barrier is thicker because I don't really exist. Take this off-ramp." I bit my lip as I thought.

"It would probably be better, right?" Changbin nodded, and I sighed. "Go ahead. Help them forget."

"Their thoughts aren't as fast as yours, so they're easier to get to. They'll still have the recordings, but they shouldn't be able to remember who you are in a few days' time."

I kept driving through the darkness, the ride entirely silent now that we were on a straight stretch of road. The closer we got, the more at ease I felt.

"Changbin," I asked quietly. He hummed. "Why is this so easy to do? I was terrified of you guys."

"You're special. The terror was me. I can influence emotions and thought that it might be best if you seemed like you were scared because your friends would be less likely to believe it. They still think you were just going crazy because you were having strange dreams."

"So, I wasn't actually scared, then?"

"You were to an extent, but most of it was me. I think you were only really scared of Felix and I, because Felix can't control his size and I was taking your thoughts. Jeongin… he has his troubles, but I think he's really only scary when he goes into his natural form. You didn't… see that, did you?"

"He's not… human in his natural form?" Changbin shook his head.

"He wasn't quite human to begin with, and he warped a lot when he joined us. He's stronger though, and has a lot more control than Felix. Well, I mean, Jeongin can keep ten fingers and toes no matter how many legs or arms he has…"

"Just… ten," I asked. Changbin nodded.

"He always insists on ten because he remembers that as the proper number," the noiret explained. I nodded and Changbin told me to take a left and keep going until I got to the sign. I stopped the car when I reached a sign that had the name of the desert on it and turned to Changbin. "I'll be waiting for you with Jeongin. Find Felix first and talk to him. Let him leave and head on to Jeongin; if you can count that long, count to 600 before standing up and continuing on. Jeongin will want to show little parts of himself first. Pay attention. That's all I can tell you." Before I could say anything he faded away, and I was alone in the car again. I sighed and opened the door before turning back towards the wheel and shutting off the car. I put the keys in his glove box because I knew the key to it was attached to his house key, which was back at the apartment.

The desert was quiet and cool, and the sound of the car door shutting faded away quickly. I walked hesitantly into the vast desert and didn't think as I walked, letting my feet take me wherever they would have me go. This place felt familiar, maybe because I'd been here in my dreams, and I was sure that my feet remembered better than my mind did how to get to Felix. There wasn't much to see, and the wind blew slightly as I walked. Before I knew it (and I wondered if maybe that wasn't Changbin again) I was cresting a particularly tall sand dune. Standing at the top of it I looked down and saw a figure sitting in the sand. I walked down slowly, and the figure only looked over their shoulder when I was standing a few feet away.

I didn't recognize the face as a whole, but I recognized parts of it, like the big, sweet eyes and the freckles littered across the soft cheeks and gently sloped nose. As I watched, the face changed a little, and I looked down. Felix was wearing loose clothes, and I figured it was because he had trouble with his control. I saw the skin in his forearm swelling as his body tried to grow larger despite his wishes. If I looked too closely, I could see the coiled up shadows that made him up. He grimaced as sand was pulled into his skin, and I watched as he let his arm melt down before reforming it from the liquid shadows.

"Why does your body have so much trouble being consistent," I asked as I sat down in front of him. His orange hair grew a little longer and he sighed.

"You've asked before- but I guess Changbin had to make you forget. I'm… this isn't my natural size. I have to force this. I know that if I let myself be as big as I naturally am, I'll break something important or I'll kill people. I don't want to do that." I'd forgotten how deep his voice was, and I couldn't imagine how deep it'd be if he stopped forcing himself to be my size.

"The recordings I had of all the talking I did--and what my friends told me--made all of this sound a lot scarier. That was Changbin too, though. He told me." Felix nodded.

"You understand why you're here, right," he asked me. I nodded and watched his face change again.

"I'm here to become… whatever you guys are."

"We're called horrors by most people. We just become representations of concepts while we're here, and then we can leave if we want," he told me. He sounded sad.

"You guys don't really leave, do you?" Felix shook his head.

"Only Changbin does, because he's thought. Jeongin could, but he never wants to. I'm still not good enough at controlling myself to go out, so Jeongin and Changbin usually stay."

"What… what will I be," I asked quietly. Felix shrugged.

"We don't know. We didn't know with Jeongin either."

"And what…" Felix smiled at me, and his teeth shifted around awkwardly. He had a nice smile regardless.

"You'll see. I should get going," he said. He brushed his pants off and stood up.

"I'll wait here," I whispered. He nodded and gave me another smile.

"I like your hair." His own turned curly for a moment before it went flat again and grew a bit longer. He blew it out of his eyes before walking past me with his hands in his pockets. He walked awkwardly, and I wondered if his legs were different sizes. I began to count once he was out of sight, taking the time to stare at the clear night sky. The desert was far outside the city, and this was the first time in a long time that I could actually see the stars. It became easier to keep counting as time went on, and I connected the stars in new pictures. I tried counting all the stars, but there were more than I had numbers for. When I hit 661, I sat up and took a deep breath. I looked up and saw a strange little creature staring down at me from the top of the dune in front of me.

The little thing had big ears, and wisps of some color I couldn't figure out drifted up from its body. I couldn't see its face clearly, but as it turned and walked away, I saw that its tails were less corporeal and more wispy impressions of what should be a fox's tail. Its legs were the same way, and I couldn't tell how many it had because they were constantly shifting. I followed after it, but it disappeared from my sight quickly. I kept walking forward, wondering how far away they were. It couldn't be too far.

I was shocked out of my thoughts when another fox suddenly entered my view. I couldn't tell how many eyes it had, but they all dripped the same inky, watery mixture that Jeongin's had. It looked much like the last one. It disappeared just as quickly, but the weight of its gaze remained in mind until I saw the next one. I realized, somehow, that this fox-thing was the exact same as the last two I'd seen, but was not the same fox. It was a different one, identical, and its gaze upon me felt the exact same as it had with the other one, as if they were merely small parts of a larger whole, as if there was only one being gazing out through their eyes; and maybe there was only one being looking at me through their eyes--maybe they really were Jeongin.

This last one led me the rest of the way to where the others were waiting. It melted into a big, shapeless shadow, and that seemed to be the last thing the shadowy form needed to take its shape. It resembled a fox, but was clearly not in a way I couldn't quite identify. It was massive, blotting out the stars in the sky behind it. Around its neck was what almost looked like a mane of pulsating shadows of some undefined color, but it flickered in and out of view like it was unable to be consistently seen. The being's eyes almost seemed to glow, and I could tell somehow that it- that _he_ was looking at me. I saw droplets of liquid falling from his face, and I figured the stuff must've been like the stuff that both the smaller ones and Jeongin cried.

As I drew closer, the massive fox-thing shrunk and began to change form, and by the time I stood in front of him Jeongin was standing in front of me the way I faintly remembered from my dreams. He smiled, and the smoke that had made up the strange mane drifted from his mouth and spilled over his chin. His eyes began to leak the strange ink and water again, and I saw that his skin really was stained by it. The stuff welled up along his eyes and began to spill from the outer corners as well while he rubbed at his cheek.

"Sorry, Chan," he whispered. "It's difficult to look human. I've got, uhm, too many eyes." I smiled at him and shook his head.

"That's okay. You can let yourself have too many, if that's easier," I told him. He looked shocked.

"You got scared last time," he said quietly.

"I'll be okay." He smiled softly and nodded.

"I think you will be."


	3. Descriptions!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is just the descriptions i created to write this story!

jeongin main horror-desert fox. he can separate himself into fox-like beings, all w big ears and many dripping eyes and wispy shadows of an indistinct color, and they all look the same and have an indeterminate number of shifting legs and wispy impressions of tails, and in his natural form he's massive, like a fox but also not, with a mane of pulsating, tangible but almost imperceiveable shadows, and in his human form smoke drifts from his mouth and his eyes leak clear and red and black and it's both ink and water and he has to work to keep only a single set of eyes and a proper number of human fingers and toes, and his skin seems to crawl and shift with swirls of shadow that seep up and out into the air and he seems at anytime to have too many arms and too many legs (i realized, somehow, that this fox-thing was the exact same as the last i'd seen, but was not the same fox. it was a different one, identical, and its gaze upon me felt the exact same as it had with the other one, as if they were merely small parts of a larger whole, as if there was only one being gazing out through their eyes)

chan main character-human. dreams of the horrors and seems to be sick to friends, but suddenly recovers with no recollection of what had been happening. he tries to find them and, unfortunately, succeeds

changbin-thoughts. exists only in thoughts, but he can be seen if you think about it hard enough, if you wonder and wish and want enough. he may have too many teeth, if you think too much that he must have a beautiful smile, and his voice is an unnerving, composite horror of all the voices he's ever had and heard, all the inner voices and outer voices of minds he's broken and absorbed, and he tends to take in your thoughts and steal them before you can think them. he is the reason behind forgetting what you were doing and the reason memories disappear, the fog in your mind and the fever dreams in your sickness, the cloud of unexplainable terror in calm situations and unconscious nightmares and nighttime walks, and he is the reason behind forgetting the best parts of dreams. he's caused many to be driven mad and has driven many to murder. he influences emotions and instincts for the worst and is the one that brings random clouds of nothingness and sadness and unexplainable emotions upon people.

felix-size. massive, a thing of shifting colors and forms. in human form, he has trouble keeping control of his form and his size and his skin constantly swells, trying to break free, become larger, become more. sometimes he goes too small and when he tries to go larger he goes too far, and he is dangerous to have in the human world because he destroys without thought and can kill in a single, misplaced step. he's unsteady at best and uncontrollable at worst, and his features seem to slightly shift everytime you look at him, like looking at a poorly edited picture of him that occasionally, miraculously, shifts closer to what his face really is. he's a swirling whirlwind of a being, made of columns of twisted shadow and sometimes, unintentionally, he'll take in matter from the human world and become an unnatural amalgamation of different faces and things of nature and things of human make, and he has to melt himself down to purge himself of the things that aren't his, of the things that make him stand out more.

Chan ends up becoming the representation of speed! He can be very difficult to see because he seems to move too fast to exist properly in human time; I hinted at this when Changbin said Chan's thoughts were almost too fast for Changbin to catch. Afterwards, Chan and Changbin become very good friends, and Chan walks around in the human world with Changbin along for the ride: sort of like a symbiotic host thing. Chan can slow or speed up time as he wishes as well, meaning he could trap people in a separate time from the rest of humanity or he can stop time while he talks to people, etc.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twt [@sunwooseok_](https://twitter.com/sunwooseok_?s=09)


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